Well, this post has to do with babies. As you can see from the title.
Two years ago we seriously started contemplating taking the next step… having a baby! We both were so excited, and just knew it would happen as soon as we started trying. Because that’s how it works, right?? 😀 (ha.)
The first 5 months were fine. Six months later I was charting temps and learning SO much from that. Nine months later we decided to go to a doctor and see what options were available from the medical world. The OB recommended Clomid, a drug that stimulates ovulation. Worked great, did what it was meant to – for 5 months. Five disappointing cycles. By Mother’s Day of this year, I was at an all-time low. Why was this not happening for us? I felt far from God, when at the same time knowing that He was who I needed to turn and surrender to.
During our last Clomid attempt, we saw a Reproductive Endocrinologist (i.e. a fertility doctor). At this point we had been trying to conceive around 15 months. I know most people think 15 months doesn’t sound like a lot – but, it feels like for.ev.er. when every month brings another disappointment.
The RE went straight to recommending IVF. Whoa. For those unaware, IVF is a VERY long, intense process, including: (at times) birth control pills, hormone shots every day, numerous ultrasounds and bloodwork, an intrusive process which retrieves eggs after ovulation, oh – and only about $17,000.
Luke and I both agreed this is not the direction we were feeling led. After another meeting with an RE, normal bloodwork and tests, and no change to what he recommended, we decided to just give it a rest. It was sooo draaaining…
We agreed: no more appointments, saving money (in case we were in this position in another year) and just living our life.
Two months later, we were pregnant. Shock and a sort of disbelief were my first reactions. What was that second pink line on that pregnancy test?? I was SO used to seeing the same old single pink line. I had seen MANY. But this was different, I wasn’t imagining lines – believe me, it happens – I was pregnant! I woke up Luke and literally jumped for joy. It was funny-looking, yes. Don’t judge. 🙂
I am now almost 13 weeks pregnant, out of my first trimester and thanking God every day for this blessing. I truly believe that He opens and closes the womb. He is sovereign over everything and that comforts me when I have fears about this pregnancy (which there have been, even though I haven’t had the slightest indication of something being wrong).
Lastly, I just want to share a few things I have learned throughout this trial (not including the insane amounts of knowledge gained about women’s reproductive health, ha):
1) God’s timing is perfect. ALL the time. When you think “Why now? Is this the right time for this, God??” remember that, yes, it is the perfect time.
2) We should give praise to God, always. And especially in trials. Many songs got me through this time, “While I’m Waiting”, “Praise you in this storm” and “Strong Enough”. The last song has a verse that really hit me and made it click. I realized that “giving up” meant giving it up to GOD and His timing. Looking up, reaching out to Him.
“Maybe, maybe that’s the point, to reach the point of giving up. Cause when I finally, finally hit rock bottom, that’s when I start looking up and reaching out.”
3) Always be aware of what you say to people regarding children. Infertility affects more couples than you would probably realize, and I would venture to say most of them do not openly share their struggles. I did, if someone asked, but that’s just my personality. I was open and it helped me to find more people that were going through the same thing. But many ladies feel a shame about infertility, like something is wrong with them. Even I had those feelings at times. It’s hard to understand and you may NEVER fully understand unless you walk that road. Here is an excellent link for tips about “infertility etiquette” — http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family–friends/infertility-etiquette.html.
Now we are reading pregnancy books, getting weekly updates on our little “peach” or “plum” or whatever comparable fruit it’s the size of this week, and daydreaming about the kind of parents we’ll be.
Happy, happy. Joy, joy. We love you, baby, and prayed for you a long time! Keep growing! 🙂